short quotes
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short quotes
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short quotes
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short quotes
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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